Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Freedom Part 1 - from Malaysia to Australia

I painted this painting of the 12 Apostles in the Victoria coast, Australia as a tribute - to Australia and the young people of Australia whose spirit of independence and adventure inspired me to take charge of my life and gain the freedom I had always yearned for.  

This is also a tribute to the kind Australians who crossed my path at critical moments and gave me direction when I had none.  

I am forever grateful.

For most of us, it is in our nature to fight for our freedom when it’s taken away or if we’ve never had it In the first place.  But when born into it, we tend to take freedom for granted.

I have lived in 3 countries that have all fought for their independence from the British – Malaysia, Australia and the US.  I wonder what would have happened if the British had taken a less arrogant approach to running their colonies and took a position of leadership instead.  To allow every nation its own identity, to preserve and respect their culture and help the local people develop, prosper and live the life of their dreams.

Yet after achieving independence, each of these countries proceeded to practice their own form of discrimination, restricting the freedom of groups of people, which resulted in conflict and sometimes resolution.  These conflicts included:  women’s rights, the civil rights movement, gay rights, etc. in the US; discrimination against the aborigines and other non-white races in Australia, discrimination against the aborigines, Chinese and Indians in Malaysia.

For most of us, we have little control on freedom at the country level, other than getting into politics or immigrating.   It is at the personal level where we have the most control and opportunity to affect changes on the amount of freedom we have in our lives.
When we have good parents, it is easy to take for granted the freedom our parents give us - to be ourselves, to find our true talents and our direction in life.  Instead of appreciating and being joyful of parents who unconditionally love us, we may resent our parents and use that as an excuse for the unhappiness and hardships we experience later in life. 

I am frequently reminded by life events how important freedom is to me.  I was deprived of my own basic rights at an early age, and later as a young adult, obstacles came my way which compromised my freedom and taught me many valuable lessons.  Also, as a two time immigrant – first to Australia and then the US, I was exposed to different levels of freedom.

As a teenager, I equated freedom with happiness; the freedom to make my own decisions, to have my own thoughts, to say what I want, to have my own feelings, to make mistakes or fail without the fear of being beaten.  As an adult, the freedom to make my own life choices and not being held captive by debt, obligation, guilt or anything else that would compromise my happiness and make me stay in toxic situations.

I was born in Malaysia and started life with 3 strikes against me.  The Chinese are treated as 2nd class citizens in Malaysia.  Preferential treatment is reserved for the Malays.  Girls in old school Chinese culture are secondary to boys.  I was adopted and treated more like prisoner than cherished daughter which demotes me to 4th class citizen.

I resented my adopted mother deeply for taking me away from my adopted uncle and aunt when I was 6, only allowing me to see them once or twice a year.  My adopted uncle and aunt had raised me from 2 months to 6 years and gave me my only early memories of happiness.  I ran away twice when I was 7, walking 5 miles from kindergarten to my adopted uncle’s house but I was always sent back. 

My adopted mother didn’t like me and tried her best to beat me into what she considered a good obedient girl.  It seemed irrelevant to her that I was a happy, high energy and curious child.  I learned quickly, was bored easily, had a mind of my own and an independent spirit.   

It was hard to please my adopted mother; she had very high standards and I always fell short.  She was under a lot of stress at her work and I bore the brunt of her frustration and rage.  I was beaten and threatened with being thrown out to the gutter like how she found me and I would die as I was too stupid to survive.  That’s the ‘aha’ moment most foster kids can identify with - “You mean they can give me back?”.

I eventually resigned myself to living in prison.  Every day, I went to school, cleaned the house, cut grass with a pair of scissors, watered the plants, cooked rice, prepared food and did my homework.  I was prohibited from playing with other kids or participating in sports or extra-curricular activities.   

By the time I was 17, the confident, happy carefree child had grown into a nervous, timid, sullen and miserable teenager.  Sudden moves near me I flinched, anticipating a slap to my face.  I didn’t have feelings or knowledge and could not speak about anything.  I was an invisible sullen mute at home.  Even though my basic needs were met - food, education, and housing, I was miserable because I didn’t have freedom, love or friends.  

Me at 5 years old.  When I was still living with my adopted uncle and aunt.  Happy.           
We lived in Malaysia until I was 17.  Everything was controlled by the Government.  TV, newspapers and radio were heavily censored.  There was no real opposition party … the opposition leader was in jail.  Government policies discriminated against the Chinese and Indians, in business and in education.   

I didn’t really know I was at odds with Malaysia until I arrived in Australia.  I picked up a newspaper and read a letter someone had written calling the Prime Minister of Australia an idiot.  I was astounded, yet oddly delighted.  Ah I thought, this is what a free country means.

At school in Australia, it was ok to ask questions in class and even challenge a teacher’s point of view.  Gasp … a younger person challenging the view point of an elder?  This is a no-no in Chinese culture.  I was taught to respect all elders and not to question their authority or their opinion – regardless of how obnoxious, stupid or nonsensical.

It was in Australia that my tolerance for my lack of personal freedom and abuse reached breaking-point.  Being exposed to young people of my age in Australia who had the freedom to make their own life choices highlighted to me how wrong my own life was.  

Young Australians have a great spirit of independence and adventure.  They chose their friends, chose their careers and activities, and had their own thoughts and their own values.  Their parents encouraged and supported their dreams and their passions.    Most young Australians travel the world after college before settling down to careers and family.  I didn’t have any of that and I yearned to be free like them.

By this time, my spirit was almost completely knocked out of me but after 8 months in Australia I made my first decision and walked out to my own freedom.  That was one of the happiest days of my life.  I had no money, no plan and no friends.  My first job was picking raspberries.  Through a series of remarkable events and kind Australians who crossed my path at the right time, I put myself through college, graduating with a Bachelor of Science degree in Chemistry and Computer Science and a graduate degree in Chemistry.  I was on the Dean’s role of Excellence in my undergraduate year and in my graduate year, I created 15 new compounds and my research was published in 2 scientific publications.  
In a small way, I proved to myself I was not stupid and definitely could survive on my own.  For the first time in my life, I had friends – my Aussie buddies at college – it was 5 boys and I.  They were the top Science students, I was just grateful to be part of the group.  It was the fun and laughs we had together that made it so easy for me to excel in college. 

Since then, I have made many difficult life-changing decisions with my freedom and happiness as the main priority.  I have never given another person, job, money or object the power to control my life again and I do not depend on anyone to take care of me financially.   

Thank you for reading my blog posting on part 1 of my freedom journey.  I would love to hear from you, please post in the comments box your thoughts about this blog, freedom and what it means to you.


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Thursday, June 3, 2010

Honor your Creativity

Every week I speak to many people and when I ask how they are, I get the polite non-answer …  I'm good.  If they know me, I often get something closer to the truth - I’m ok, I’m sick, I’m hanging in there, I’m coping, I’m stressed, I’m busy etc.  Only one person said “I'm great” in the last 2 weeks.  It was wonderful that he said so because in the 4 months I have known him, every week I get the non-answer … I'm good but with no heart.  But never "I'm great" with a light in his eyes and a smile on his face.  I can see how much happier he is and at peace with himself.

How did that happen?  In his job, he sees the dark side of human nature all the time.  To his credit, he makes the effort to do things in his free time which puts him in touch with people who are positive and good and learn something fun and challenging like ballroom dancing.  So he is very guarded and even though I saw him every week for 4 months, I really didn’t feel I knew him at all.  About 3 weeks ago, he opened up and told me a little about himself and his background when he discovered that I had  started painting out of nowhere in 2001 and was adoption gone wrong (see blog post: “My Story”).

I noticed him reading in the car when he was early for his lesson so I asked him if that was what he loved to do.  He then told me he used to write a lot when he was younger.  On further probing, it turned out he has been carrying a book in his head for 2 years but has never written it down.  I was amazed and asked what was stopping him from making a start.  He gave several reasons – eg. he was clearing off some debt and didn’t have the money to hook up his computer yet.  I felt the real reason was some level of fear - What if it never gets published?  What if it is not good enough?  What if nobody likes it?

I shared with him some information which dispelled some of his concerns eg: if he was concerned about not getting a publisher, there are many authors who self-publish their books and have made a lot of money doing so.  I told him about a well known coach who made millions self-publishing his own books and he now specializes in working with entrepreneur authors.

The other important point I made was the fact that he has that creative spirit inside him and he needed to honor his creativity and give it life.  If he didn’t do so, he will not be happy or go mad.  Creative people have to create something regularly, it does not matter what it is, as long as they get to express it as often as they can, they will be happy and at peace with themselves and the world.  I have been through that journey myself, mine was more severe as I didn’t even know  I had creativity in me until it hit me over the head when I was 39 (read my blog post: “Transitions”).

That week, I gave him his dance homework and also his life homework.  I told him to go to the 99cent store, buy a journal and start writing something every day.  He thought about it and said he could start by blocking the book.  Then he said he had not figured out how to resolve chapter 2 etc.   So I told him he does not have to figure everything out now as that will prevent him from making a start.   He just needed to start writing and he will find that his book will most likely morph and change as he develops it or the problem will resolve itself.

The next week when I checked up on his life homework he said he had started writing and it felt good.  On week 2, he was still writing and realized he needed to do more research.  By week 3, he said “I’m great!” with a light in his eyes and a smile on his face.  That made me happy.

Have you ever felt the need to create something?  Have you often thought about trying some creative pursuit such as art, music, dance or writing, etc?  Why haven’t you done something about it?  What is stopping you?  Don't stifle your creativity just because you think you cannot make any money from it or you don't think it's going to be good enough.  You just need to go with that feeling – sign-up for a class and just do it.  In allowing your creativity to flow, you will be amazed at how much more fulfilled and happy you are going to be.  I speak from experience, having been through that journey myself.  Since then, I have coached hundreds of my students to their creative transformations!

Thank you for reading my blog posting.  I would love to hear from you.  Please post in the comments box what you are going to do today to honor your creativity.  I will be happy to help you with this wonderful journey.



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Friday, May 21, 2010

Show no fear! Stand your ground! You will win.

I was fighting bees at midnight with Eusebio - I now call him the bee warrior.   

This is the second year I waged war on the bees.  Don't get me wrong, I like them, they are important for our ecosystem - flowers to fruit.  However, when they decided to build their hive on the side of my house, under the eaves and inside the stucco, the bees were getting into my house and ants were rampaging through trying to find the honey ...  it was time.  Last year I tried doing it on my own and lost the war.  For a week, at 1am every morning, I huffed and I puffed, hauling this very heavy and tall ladder up the side of my house, not quite reaching the target, and sprayed more poison on myself than the bees.  I even tried squeezing out of my upstairs small bathroom window, getting half of my body dangling outside (it’s quite a long drop to the bottom), contorting myself and using a mirror to try to direct the spray at the entry-point.  When my BF came up to help in the weekend, he's a lot taller and managed to get the pesticide spray closer to the opening but we only got the bees mad at us instead.  So we retreated in the face of the swarming bees.  I finally called in the professionals - it took them 3 trips to get rid of the bees and cost $300.

This year the bees came back again, building another hive just 4 feet from the previous location.  It was on the outside of the stucco this time and big.  Of course, I had been ignoring the problem for a while, hoping it was just a temporary hive which has happened before.  But no, it just got bigger and bigger.  And more and more bees got into my house.  I got a good tip from a friend who said to use starter fluid as it will kill them on impact.  This time I enlisted the help of Eusebio.  We discovered that my bees are resistant to starter fluid, it only got them mad and they started buzzing us.  However, Eusebio showed me that if you stand your ground and show no fear, they will not attack you. Which is true, as they landed on us, we just swatted them away.  Eusebio then hit the bees and hive with strong blasts of water and managed to kill them all and the bees didn't get mad at all.  They just dropped to the ground.  It was magnificent ... watching Eusebio the bee warrior get rid of my bee problem.  I was just the supporting cast, holding the light and turning on the water on command.

Eusebio's theory is when you hit the bees with something natural like water, the bees don't get mad because they don't think they are being attacked by humans.  Also, animals can sense your fear, if you show no fear, they are not going to attack you.  He told me another story about the time when a mad dog leapt a fence and was charging at him, growling and snapping its jaws.  This dog was known to attack other people.  Eusebio growled back louder at the dog and ran full out, charging at the dog.  The dog stopped, turned around, ran away from Eusebio and jumped the fence.  The next time that dog saw Eusebio, it gave him respect and stayed away.

I have no fear in facing life's obstacles but am a total wimp when it comes to bees, cockcroaches, crazy dogs that bite and snakes.  Eusebio helped me face my fears by standing beside me and standing his ground against the angry bees.  I didn't even freak out when a bee got inside my T-shirt, I just fished it out and tossed it away.

I have often helped many people face their fears head-on and take that leap of faith - this is what I do best and it comes easily to me.  That's because I have no fear when it comes to adversity - I just meet it head-on, figure out the alternatives and take action.  I also have no fear in trying anything new - things completely out of my comfort zone, is foreign to me, or exploring places where I don't speak the language and don't know anyone.  Or just confronting and resolving issues with another person.  But it is not often that someone else has done that for me.  I thank Eusebio for the warrior lesson and I am glad I asked for his help (asking for help is not my strong suit but I'm getting better).  He offered to help a year ago when I had my first bee problem but I didn't want to impose.  Silly me.

BTW - Eusebio is a dance instructor and owns Preciado's Ballroom Studio (  I teach at his studio.  Eusebio found me through a series of amazing circumstances and we just have so much fun there teaching ballroom dancing to our beginner students, getting them through their fears, making their learning process fun and positive and helping them become good dancers.  

Thank you for reading my blog posting. I would love to get your feedback or answer any questions you may have.  Please write to me in the comments box below and I will respond as soon as possible.


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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

My story

I was born in Klang, Malaysia – parents unknown (Chinese). Adopted at 2 months, my adopted mother departed for England immediately and left me in the care of her brother and his wife. My first memories were of my adopted uncle and aunt… I felt happy and loved. My adopted single mother returned when I was 6 and took me away from the only people I loved. She didn’t know how to be a loving parent … it was like living in prison. My adopted mother and I immigrated to Hobart, Tasmania in Australia when I was 17. I fled from my home before the end of that year. For the first time since age 6, I was happy again. I had no money, no plan and no clue! I vowed from that day on, I would always strive to be happy and never allow anyone else to be in control of my life again. That’s how important freedom is to me. These 2 goals have served me well.

My first job was raspberry picking for $10/day; 8 hours in the blazing hot sun. Through a series of amazing events, I managed to find my way to University. I worked 4-5 jobs to put myself through University. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science degrees in Chemistry and Computer Science, and a graduate degree in Chemistry. I created 15 new compounds and was published in 2 scientific publications.

I worked in the computing industry for 16 years, working crazy hours and traveling all over the world. I had a lot of fun and adventures, learned a great deal, made good money and had fabulous vacations. While at Oracle, I was promoted from the Asia Pacific region to the Northern California headquarters in 1991. 8 years at Oracle, 2 great years at Microsoft and 5 stressful startups later, I learned to maintain my sanity by dancing a lot. Towards the end, executive level politics was no fun. The last startup was a winner – I was a paper millionaire by age 38 and several months later, I walked away from the money and left the computing industry. All alone in the world, to survive and succeed, I developed many skills to compete and win … eventually becoming a typical type ‘A’ on the outside. Inside, my soul was dying a slow death.

Art found me. I woke up one day with a strong desire to paint using the Chinese Brush. With no prior interest or background in art, this obsessive need to paint created great turmoil in my life. I sold my possessions, moved from Northern California to New York and studied with an exceptional art coach, Mr. Jin, who had a tremendous impact on my work. The creative process of painting has forced my natural personality to surface and it has been a very healing thing.

This radical transformation has opened up my heart to creativity and has brought the most amazing people into my life. I now help wonderfully good hearted people find their true happiness and prosperity through coaching, art and ballroom dancing. I’m no longer at war with myself … I am at peace. I am happy and excited to be part of the world.  How cool is that!

Thank you for reading my story. I would love to get your feedback, hear about your personal story or answer any questions you may have.  Please write to me in the comments box below and I will respond as soon as possible.


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This painting "Transitions" represents the changes and obstacles when I was going through one of my biggest personal growth periods. In embracing and overcoming those obstacles, it has led me to an amazing transformation that has brought me so much more happiness and peace.

I painted this painting "Transitions" when I was most scared, during the time of intense painting in 2002. I felt I was perched on the rickety bridge in my painting, scared to death and about to fall into the rapids. Somehow I knew I had to continue, one foot in front of the other with no idea where I was heading. I did not have a job and was living out of my savings.

I had left the computing industry in 2001 after 16+ years. It had been fun, challenging, lots of travel and very long hours. Work was my life – my relationships and dance had to work around that. I was laid off in Jan 2001 but it was really a firing as I no longer wanted to cooperate with what was going on at the company I was working for. This was the company (CommerceOne) that acquired the winning startup I was in – As Director of Sales, in the first year of a start-up with an ever changing sales target increased from $2M to $7M to $14M in 8 months, my team finished the year with $15+M. In most other companies, this would be recognized as an amazing success but that was not the case for us. was my last breath. I had already been in 3 other failed startups before joining Microsoft. I didn’t think I had anything left in me for another startup. But I did. I would not have left Microsoft if the universe did not conspire to place another obstacle in my path that forced me to re-evaluate my goals. I realized I really wanted to ‘retire’ before I was 40 and I only had 4 years to accomplish that. That was not going to happen at Microsoft even though I really enjoyed working there. The decision to leave was easy.

I learned enough from all the other failures to pick a winner - within 2 months, was sold for $200M and my stock options were worth more than a million. I was 38. As part of the sale, I was forced to stay on for a year with the acquiring company (CommerceOne) and as my stock options had a vesting period of 3 years, I really had no choice. I think this was the first time since I walked out of home at age 18 that I experienced a loss of freedom. It did not sit well with me.

After the acquisition, our start-up was set-up as a division in CommerceOne. From the day of the acquisition onwards, CommerceOne did it’s best to shutdown our sales division ( My revenue goal was increased from $7M to $14M on the day of the acquisition and I only had 3 months left in the year to bring that in. Don’t forget I started with a $2M revenue goal. I had to hire quickly, build alliances, fight a lot of internal battles to protect my sales staff. I felt the weight of their whole family on me.

After we ended the year by over-achieving our revenue goals, I could see the writing on the wall. The 2 owners of the start-up had left. I was now reporting to the VP of Sales in the acquiring company, CommerceOne. The new revenue goal CommerceOne was expecting from my sales division was ludicrous. The hidden agenda was to close us down. I did my best behind the scenes and secured new positions for my sales staff with the other sales directors in CommerceOne. I was being recruited by other divisions but was stalling on making a decision.

The new VP of Sales I was reporting to did not have the guts to tell me his intentions to fire me. I was suddenly left out of a sales management meeting in Dallas and a week later, I received a call from another VP saying that I was now working for him. I said I was not interested in working for him. Not too long after that, in January 2001, when I could not log into the email server from home (this is always the first sign), I received a call from yet another VP informing me that I was laid off along with many others, just 2 weeks short of a major vesting period of my stock options which would push my net worth to over a million +. I could have taken this to court and spent every day of my life in court fighting over money for several years. It was an easy decision for me – I decided not to fight, collected my commissions and left.

It had always been a dream of mine to go to Brazil. I flew to Rio de Janeiro in time for Carnaval and learned how to dance samba. On my return to San Francisco, I performed Samba with a local Samba dance troupe – imagine me at the grand age of 38, in feathers, bikini, and high heels shaking my tail-feathers with 21-year old dancers!

One of my friends from the old Oracle days was trying to recruit me into their startup company as VP of Sales. But when the owner reneged on our agreement and sneaked the change into the offer letter, I decided not to hang around and flew out to Cuba (my second trip) to study dance with a top Cuban dance troupe. While I was in Cuba through a series of amazing coincidences I met a wonderful loving man. He was black, lived in New York and was a director. We fell in love and it seemed for the first time in 16 years, I was seriously contemplating marriage. I would never have met him if the owner of the startup had been upfront with me.

On my return to the Bay area, we continued our relationship long distance, meeting up in Los Angeles, New York and Jamaica. In between, I was invited to be co-founder of a startup with ex-Oracle friends and we made the round of pitches to Venture Capitalists. We did receive some funding but on the condition of going back to the drawing boards and reengineering the product - there would be nothing to sell for over a year. So I bid that startup – bye bye and continued on my merry way.

I started painting 3 months later. I woke up one day in Nov 2001 with this conviction I should be painting with the Chinese brush. After my first lesson that Saturday at the China Institute in San Francisco, I fell in love. I had never painted before and this compulsion to paint would not stop. I sold all my possessions, moved from Northern California to New York and lived out of 2 suitcases in my then boyfriend’s apartment. (See for more about the art side).

I would get up every day and paint for hours. I would paint anything and everything around me. Even though I studied with a few teachers in San Francisco, I had to leave when they started imposing their style and preferences on me.

After moving to New York, I found a really great art teacher Mr. Jin. Every Friday, I would get on the subway at Hell’s Kitchen and head to the China Institute on the Upper East Side for my art class.  My walking route from the subway included stopping at a French Patisserie for the world's yummiest lemon tarts which I would proceed to demolish during art class.  This was an advanced art class – we brought in our paintings and Mr. Jin would critique them and offer suggestions for improvement.  Sometimes though, some things were lost in translation and I had many funny moments with Mr. Jin and the translator.  Unlike most other Chinese art teachers, Mr. Jin did not paint for us, nor did he try to impose his style on us. He encouraged us to develop our own style. My class-mates in this class were all amazing artists and I found it very inspiring to see what they created every week.  I was always criticised by my previous art teachers for using colors that were too bright, too bold, too strong, too much contrast etc.  I remember the day when Doris, a lovely German lady brought in an amazingly colorful, large bold abstract painting of the Taj Mahal using bright vivid watercolors, tissue paper, lipstick and a huge bold Chinese Challigraphy character on one side.  My heart just soared when I saw this .... oh it's ok to be colorful and big and out there.  After I got to know Doris better, I thanked her inspiring art and the impact it had on me.

I also took private lessons from Mr. Jin’s home in Queens on Saturday mornings and bring him little Malaysian snacks if he did not have enough time to get through my art on Friday class. My class-mates usually brought in 1-2 paintings.  I would have 6-10 paintings for review every week.

Every now and then, my practical side would kick in and I would panic about my lack of cash flow. Especially when my then boyfriend’s business went bankrupt and I was suddenly supporting the 2 of us and pumping money into his business.

However, the thought of writing my resume or looking for work would make me sick to my stomach. This is very unlike me as I used to panic if I didn’t have another job lined up when I was ready to leave a current job. I now had difficulty with time, returning phone calls and responding to emails. I used to be anal about being on time or early for meetings, always returning phone calls and responding to all emails even when I used to get several hundred a day at Microsoft. It seemed like the left side of my brain had completely collapsed and I was operating solely on the right side. I even had difficulty speaking, often stumbling over words. I could not keep a train of thought in my head for longer than a few seconds. I used to speak in public seminars regularly in Australia and all over Asia. I was known for my ability to focus and my intensity. My friends did not hear from me during this time. They would have said “What are you doing Karen??? Get a job!!”.

All I was familiar with was swept away by the force of this tremendous compulsion to paint. The worst thing that happened was my inability to manage my emotions. I would cry at the drop of a hat – when I saw something beautiful, I would cry, when I was angry, I would cry. I used to be very judgmental of women who cried in the workplace. At that time, I did not understand artists. Why are the creative people in the PR agency I hired always moody, affected easily by the environment like the weather or the color of their room and many had difficulty meeting their deadlines. Looking back, I must have been a machine, with my intensity, tenacity and focus on my work. I did discover salsa in 1991 and ballroom dancing in 1994 and that was my stress reliever during my corporate years.

My college degree was in Chemistry and Computer Science and my graduate degree was in Chemistry (Australia). My working life was in the computing industry (Australia, Asia-Pacific and US). I started on the technical side in computing before moving to marketing and sales. So the people I knew were either geeks like me or in marketing or sales. I had one really close friend –who was a salsa dancer and later a holistic healer but she has an amazingly logical brain and I could easily relate to her. I didn’t understand about the other stuff she did. To a scientific head like me, it was all mumbo jumbo.

Until I started painting, I didn’t have friends who made a living solely through their creativity. Other than my close friend and my then boyfriend. Even then, I related to them on the left side of the brain and paid no attention to their creative pursuits. Can you imagine how scary all this stuff that was happening to me? It was such an out of body experience, I thought I was going mad!

My then boyfriend was there to witness my transformation from geek/business to art. He had a lot of difficulty when I started crying every time we fought. Because I was cool, calm and collected pre-painting.

Even though it didn’t reassure me at that time, he understood my crazy non-stop obsession with painting and my dissatisfaction with my results as “I was still trying to find my ‘voice’”. He himself had always made a living through his creativity, first as a successful photographer (touring with Lionel Richie, Earth Wind and Fire, Police etc), then as a music video director for RAP artists like Snoop and Shaggy. The transition into film directing was tough. All his friends were artists. He did say “Great, now we have 2 starving artists in the family instead of one”. He had just been screwed by his friend who had not paid him for the work and expenses he had incurred working on the “Pope project” in US, London, Rome and Cuba … hundreds of thousands of dollars. He was facing bankruptcy – he didn’t have any cash reserves. He was a very generous and kind person and when money came in, he gave it all away helping his kids, relatives and friends.

At that time, the plan was to build our production company, he would do the creative and I would do the business-side. I did manage to pull myself together and represented him on a couple of deals. That left me with a major ‘eck’ feeling – the business partner in the other production company was really sleazy and indicated he would agree to the deal if I slept with him. Yuk!

After doing some major research, working on the business plan and getting more exposure with the people in the entertainment industry, I decided it was even worse than the computing industry. The lack of integrity was astounding. I told my then boyfriend that I would support him behind the scenes by funding him and giving him moral support but the entertainment industry was not for me.

All this time, I was painting in secret. Other than the students at my weekly art class, no one else had seen my work or knew what I was doing. One day, I met an artist (my first one) who was exhibiting in the gallery downstairs. We became friends. She had real difficulty selling her artwork and did not have the courage to approach the gallery owners herself. No problem – I said! I used to be in sales, I’ll cold call for you. I think I made about 20-30 calls before discovering her art didn’t fit into what the galleries in New York were focusing on. When she found out about what I was doing in secret, she asked to see it and liked my art. That gave me a little bit of confidence and I showed another new friend who is a Tax attorney (hates her job but loves art and is always taking classes in photography, interior decorating, fung shei etc in search for her next career. She just has difficulty with the money part). She immediately commissioned me to paint a painting of 2 peonies for her close friend’s birthday. That is how I started selling my art.

This journey through art has led me to the most wonderful people in our society whom in my corporate life, I didn’t understand and could not relate to. They have beautiful hearts – warm, kind, empathetic, sensitive, always willing to help, with a lack of guile or meanness. These are the artists - creative people who feel things intensely – joy or sorrow - often too painful to bear. This is what propels them to create, the force of their emotions is so strong, it has to come out in some way, or they would go mad. That is why some artists seek to mask their pain in destructive behavior like alcohol and drugs – because they feel it so intensely. If only we can protect our truly creative spirits from the pain of this earth …. but we can’t. It is their journey and that is how great art is born.

Since then, my journey has led me to Southern California and teaching art and dance to amazing people. I have moved beyond the rickety bridge in my painting and feel I'm now climbing the stairs along the side of the mountain. It's a lot of work, I feel out of breath and a little giddy at times but I know I'm on the right path. I have more clarity in what's ahead ... and a clearer vision as to what's at the top.

My life is so different now. That’s because I am so different now. Ever since I left home, I have always maintained my freedom and happiness. However, I knew that there was so much I needed to change to be a better person. I used to be somewhat of a control freak … I used to be filled with insecurities. Moving from Australia to the US was a very difficult adjustment for me. I was not happy at work and I had difficulty adjusting to the social scene in Northern California. I used to worry incessantly and had difficulty relating to creative people. I could never sleep well. I hated being alone and was frequently bored – but I refused to spend time with toxic people. I used to hold 15 min meetings and rushed everywhere. I had difficulty receiving help and asking for help. I used to love in a conditional way. I was at war with myself and burned out from the world. But even when I was deep in a disaster trying to work my way through it, there was tiny part of me that would say “oh goody I wonder what wonderful adventure will happen next”. That’s because I had faced enough obstacles to know that every time some disaster happened to me, it would knock me off my path but lead me to a really good place, which, without the disaster, I could never have imagined. During this time, it was the discovery of dance that kept me sane, bringing me joy and relieving my stress.

Now, I choose to spend time with whom I want and when I want. I have eliminated all toxic people from my life and only spend time with good people. I choose who I want to help. It fills me with a deep sense of satisfaction and joy when I get to share my love of art and dance with my students and watch them take their first baby steps, or when I share my business and life skills with my students, friends and clients and watch them flourish as they find their own happiness and prosperity. I am at peace with myself. I can sleep at nights. I’m so much better at receiving help and asking for help. I’m no longer afraid of being alone. I’m happy and excited to be part of this world. I want to make it a better place, helping one person at a time. I have learned how to love unconditionally. It is very liberating. I’m so glad all these things happened to me. It has led me here. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Thank you for reading my story. I would love to get your feedback, your stories of overcoming obstacles and answer any questions you may have.  Please write to me in the comments box below and I will respond as soon as possible.


ps. you can see "Transitions" enlarged here

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